Anyone else feeling personally victimised by the UK heatwave right now?
I’m currently writing this in an Eat cafe next to Liverpool Street station because my train line has decided to pack up and stop working for a few hours. Just what you need on a Monday evening, amirite? But while I’m sitting here, I’ve had a good old chance to do some good old-fashioned people watching, which got me thinking about all the things you’ll spot in the UK every time the thermometer tops more than 20°C. And let me tell you: I’ve seen things. Things you people wouldn’t believe.
- A businessman who’s been forced to wear a long-sleeve shirt, tie, jacket and trousers to work. Usually about to pass out.
- A human lobster with bright red sunburn in an awkward place (…me right now.)
- Underarm sweat patches
- Backpack sweat patch
- Butt sweat patch
- Boob sweat patches
- Awkward tan lines from someone’s knee-high sandal straps or cycle shorts
- Everyone popping to the pub after work ‘for a quick one’. Even on a school night.
- A train line that refuses to work at the slight hint of sunshine
- Smug runners jogging at midday, making all normal people feel even worse
- Someone in a busy park sunbathing in a bikini like they’re on the beach in Ibiza
- At least 90 people drinking a Starbucks slushie on every pavement
- A topless, tanned middle-aged man sitting in a deckchair on a busy street
- White shirts and t-shirts galore (the oldest sweat patch trick in the book)
- A hot, irate person shouting at another hot, irate person for something menial like breathing
- A sudden resurgence in baseball caps
- Pasty legs. Everywhere.
- Someone having an angry phone conversation about how the weather has messed up their day
- The obligatory work talk with 15 different people about how summer has finally arrived
- Everyone complaining that it’s too hot to do anything
- Someone saying the actual line: “Come back, winter! All is forgiven!”
- The newspapers telling us which countries the UK is hotter than
- 90% of people screenshotting and sharing to Facebook/Twitter/Instagram the weather as featured on the BBC page
- Everyone complaining about how the UK shuts down when there’s a slight hint of sun
- Someone in your street spreading a rumour about a new hosepipe ban
- Everyone arguing between each other over who had less sleep the night before
So there we have it. 26 things you’ll only ever see in the UK during a heatwave. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m just counting down the days until December. Come back, winter! All is forgiven…
Have I missed anything off this list? Let me know in the comments below!
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